Ben eyed me, his golden eyes gray and dim, as we walked out of the house. Leaving a note for my brother was the coward's way out, but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe I am a coward for leaving my brother behind, I know it’s cruel. I was angry when Luna left and she’s done the same, but now I understand. Her letter was a way of saying goodbye because saying it face to face to the ones you love is too damn hard. 

     We would’ve talked her out of it. 

     Cameron would talk me out of this decision. 

     Ben finally sighs and nods. I went to him for a reason, I knew that he wouldn’t turn me away, but I’m still surprised that he agreed to let me do it. I wouldn’t meet his stare though, he might not try to talk me out of this decision, but he sure as hell is going to try to stare me out of it until the bitter end. 

     It’s not going to work. 

     I’d made my decision. I am done. 

     Shaking my head, I continued walking to the back of the house, knowing that he’d follow. 

     We walked in silence. It’s almost peaceful, and it would have been if I didn’t know how much pain I was putting Ben through. Maybe I should at least try to say something, to make him understand, but no amount of words or convincing is going to make him see it my way. It didn’t matter, at the end of this, he's going to lose a son… 

     As a son I knew I’d failed him and that alone was too painful to face. 

     What does one say to make that okay? 

     If I could’ve gone to someone else, anyone else, or done it myself, I would have. 

     He doesn’t understand, not completely. I know that he’s lost his other half, but his heart is still whole in his chest. How do I tell him that this has nothing to do with him, that it isn’t his fault? Ben is not the one who failed me, the world has. It was no one’s fault that I felt this way, or that I was born with a heart like mine.

     I wish I could have written him a note, and told him goodbye, but how do I show my appreciation for the man who took us in and raised us after our parents burned in that fire? How can I say goodbye to my second father? Is there even a way to say it when I was asking him to end my life for me?

     So we continued along in silence, to the waterway behind the compound. The sun just starting to sink behind the trees when I finally came to a stop at the end of the dock. This is the place. This compound held so many memories. The good, the bad, and the in-between. This is the place I want Cameron to come back to and think of me. Maybe Luna too. 

     Cameron would be back soon, it’s now or never. Swallowing I walked to the end of the dock and sat at the edge my legs dangling over the side for a moment At least here, the water would carry my ashes away and he wouldn’t have to deal with them when this is all said and down. 

Finally, I’m able to bring myself to look up at Ben’s face. The gold in his eyes completely vanished into a dark gray, even in the golden light that the sun cast around us. Though his face was set in a brave, neutral, face I knew that it’s just a mask. One he’s gotten good at. But I can see sadness and even fear behind that stare. 

     Someday, they will forget about me, they’ll move on. 

     Cameron will find a way back to Bailey. They’ll be okay. 

     Ben will be okay, he still had them. 

     The children who didn’t become a monster. The children that he could be proud of. 

     Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair before I pushed off the edge of the dock and weighed into the chilling October brackish water. Now that we were here there was the look of hope on his face, hope that I would change my mind.

     The sight made my throat burn.

     "Sebastian..."

     "Don't... just do it, please."

      With a deep breath, he finally followed me into the water. I swallowed as I turned my back to him. I don’t want to see his face, and I don’t want him to have to see my face when it all went down. When I felt Ben’s arm around my chest I let my feet out from under me so I was no longer touching the muddy bottom, allowing him to hold me. I feel Ben take a shuttering breath, his arm tightened around me and that is enough of a goodbye for me. 

     My eyes are swimming in tears when I open them again and I look up at the sky and for the first time, I don’t feel that emptiness in my chest.

     That missing piece. 

     I felt at peace. 

     There was a part of me that thought that once I reached this moment, I would feel scared, but I wasn’t, all that was there was peace. There was peace knowing that I fought for as long as I could. A peace knowing that I was making the right decision. A peace knowing that soon I was going to be with my father and mother again.

      I could feel his hesitation as the stake pressed to the center of my chest, and it was in the midst of another one of his hesitations, a familiar voice echoed inside of my head.

     "You don't want to do this son... I know you don't believe it, that she is out there. But I'm here to tell you, you have a reason to live! Give it a little more time, give her a little more time, she might not come right away, but she is out there!"

     When the voice disappeared, my eyes flew open and I quickly submerged myself under the water, pushing myself out of Ben’s reach. I was only under the water for less than a minute, but my heart raced as it had never done before, and when I came back up, I inhaled a lung full of air and it was like a breath that I had been holding for as long as I could remember, and I might as well have been. This breath felt like the life inside me was restored, but I couldn’t explain where it was coming from. Placing my hand on my chest, I clenched soaking wet my shirt, as my heart had stopped racing, though my breathing didn’t slow.

     I am so confused.

     That feeling in my heart was gone so fast I thought I imagined it. That voice though. The voice, now that I knew it was real. It was so vivid and clear enough that I couldn't have imagined it and I clung to it now, because the words had come from a voice, from a man, I never thought that I was going to hear from again, but it was a voice that I would never forget. That is how I knew it was him.

     It was my father.

     From beyond the grave?

     My tears mixed with the water that still dripped down my face and I allowed this new information to sink in, or should I say flooding my system, overwhelming me. 

     Is she out there? After all this time? 

     Slowly, I turned to face Ben, and the second that our eyes met, my legs gave out from under me. Ben tossed the stake away, coming to me, wrapping his arms around me in a bear hug. I felt so small as the reality of what I'd asked him to do started to weigh on me and I did something that I hadn’t done since the night of the fire, I cried. Ben just held me like a child, and I guess at that moment I was. So, I let him.

     He knew me, more than I realized. He knew me on the same level as my father did and I felt not only Ben's arms around me at that moment, but my father's too. And that even though my father could never be replaced, Ben was the best second father I could have asked for.

     Bv I don’t know how much time had passed when he finally let me go, and when he did I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. All I could feel was numb. I didn’t know what to feel, or what to think, about what just happened. What I… I almost did. I’d heard my father’s voice. My heart felt… whole. Though that only lasted for that one second, it was enough, I felt hopeful and that is what confused me more than anything. 

     What did it mean? 

. . .

     “Stop!” I cry. 

     “Scars are ugly and you have a scar.” 

     “Why are you being so mean?” 

     Candy smiles. What did I do to make her hate me so much? 

     I ran downstairs to Mama, my eyes blurry with tears, but she was right where I left her, sitting on the sofa watching her show when I said goodnight. 

     “Peanut, what’s wrong?” Mama asked, gathering me up into her arms. 

     “Candy…” I sniffled, “She made fun of my scar again. I hate this thing, she’s right. It makes me look ugly.” 

      Mama sighed, as she ran her fingers up and down my back, and even without her saying anything I could feel myself relax. I loved when she did that, it always made me feel better even before she said anything. 

     “There, now come on, let’s get you in bed.” 

     Carrying me upstairs to my room, I laid my head on her shoulder, “Mama, why do I have this scar? Did something happen to me?” 

     “No,” She whispered in my ear, “No, it is not a scar, it's a birthmark. You have had it ever since you were born.” 

     “Is something wrong with me?” 

     “No! Quite the opposite actually.” 

     She laid me down in bed and kissed the top of my head and for a second I thought she wouldn’t tell me, but then she sat on the edge of my bed facing me. For the longest time, she didn’t say anything and she wouldn’t look me in the eye either. She looked at something over my shoulder instead. 

     But I’ve seen that far-off look in her soft brown eyes, she isn’t looking at something, at least not something on my wall, I don’t know it's like she can see something the rest of us can’t. And when she blinked, her eyes coming into focus again, she looked down at me again, with a sad smile on her face and tears in her eyes. 

     I bit my trembling lip, something was wrong. 

    “How about a bedtime story?” 

     Maybe not, I smiled, “Yes!” 

    “Okay, come on,” she said, coming to sit next to me on my bed, putting an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to her. 

    “Where is the book?” I asked. 

    “We don’t need one for this one. Just listen.” 

    I nodded, laying my head against her, and closed my eyes.

 

     Once upon a time, there was a girl with the most beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that not only saw what was right in front of her but also what has already been, and in her dreams, what will be. This little girl was very special, in fairy tales, she would have been called the fairest of them all. 

     Now, this little girl had a mother who held her in a special place in her heart. A father who didn’t understand her. And an older sister that got under her skin. 

     Now if this were a fairytale, and I’m not saying that it is, there is always a twist in events, right? An evil villain who comes into town just to shake things up. More times than not, it is the beautiful girl who is caught up in all of it, who has to pay the price. This story is no different, but have no fear, my sweet girl, because for every villain there is always a hero, a knight in shining armor, a prince charming, and even a creature some might think is only in nightmares. 

     This is the hero.

     But there is another, who is the villain. 

     The sound of shattering glass and red eyes is the beginning of the end. 

     Trapped in darkness. 

     She believes she’ll never find the light again. She thought that because of what happened she didn’t deserve to find it again anyway. She blamed herself. 

     Mama’s voice cracked as she spoke, “But, Sweetheart, she shouldn’t. There was nothing that she could have done!”

This beautiful girl was in more danger than ever before. Just because she could no longer see him, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t watching, that he couldn’t feel her, follow her, get into her head. 

     But there will be a light. 

     The beautiful girl deserves nothing but light and when she finds it, it will be the color of the sea, or the color of the sky, a shade of blue in between, or all of the shades above. Alas, the light turned out not to be a light at all. It wasn’t the sea or the sky, or something in between. They were eyes, eyes as blue as the sea, the sky, and every blue in between.

     “Remember what I said though? Every story has a hero?” Mama said, breaking from the story and putting her finger under my chin so I had to look up at her, “He won’t be that far away, she just has to be patient, he will appear when she least expects it. But when they do meet, it will be this instant connection. She just has to open her heart and her mind to the idea of him.” 

     “Why wouldn’t her heart be open to him?”

     She put her finger to her lips and went on with the story. 

     He is her light. Even with darkness of his own.

     Her love. Her other half.

     No matter what goes wrong, he’s the one she can turn to. 

     He is more than a hero.

     But don’t think it’s only him who does all the saving. He might be the beautiful girl’s white knight and prince charming, but she will save him as much as he saves her. And I am going to let you in on a little secret, they live happily ever after.

     I smiled at the dreamy little thought, I loved when the story ended with a happily ever after. I struggled to open my eyes to look up at Mama. 

“That was a good story, Mama.” 

     She smiled as she kissed the top of my head, “I am glad you like it Peanut. And always remember Rowan Lynn, if one was to leave, then the other would be lost. Through the darkness and peril of a heart, there is a light, it shines brightly when it is given fuel to run off of. Love. When one leaves then the light is lost, but together, the light is bright, and nothing can dim it. Nothing will pull them apart." 

     I nodded as she stood. I was still dreamily smiling when Daddy came into my room to kiss me goodnight. I was about to lie down again and close my eyes when I saw Mama walk out of Candy’s room and pass by mine again. 

     “Mama?” I called in my sleepy voice.

     She stopped in the doorway and her smile glowed from the little light of the hallway, "Yes, Peanut?"

     “Is that why I have this scar?” I asked I couldn’t help the disappointment, “Why does it have to be a scar, something so ugly?” 

     "Because it is not simple to split a heart in two, you have to take a little imperfection for something so rare and special," and as she spoke tears welled up in her eyes and she blew me a kiss turning off the light.

      I stared into the darkness thinking to myself, I didn't mean to make her cry.